Thursday, January 13, 2005

the waiting game.......

The waiting is the worst part. Mom finally had her consult with the oncologist and is scheduled to start chemo in two weeks. She has good days and bad. She's not in a lot of pain now, but her outlook goes from one extreme to the other. Today she seemed so depressed and didn't even want to talk on the phone with me.

I'm so afraid she is going to change her mind and not do the chemo. She told me before her surgery that if they can't cure her she just wants to be left alone. To my knowledge, she's not been told what stage the cancer is in. None of us were. Just knowing what organs were involved, I've been able to make an educated guess. I'm going to try to not seek any more information about ovarian cancer at this point. Sometimes too much knowledge is not a good thing.

In the mean time we are trying to get life back to as normal as possible. Or I should say the world is trying to make us get back to normal. All of the older kids have gone back to college now. They are scattered across the country and didn't want to leave. Mom told them all that they have to go back and she will be there for their graduations.....

So for now we will wait, and pray.................


Blogger angela marie said...

There will be no 'getting back to normal'. You have a new normal now. Learn to adjust to that and it will be a little easier. You will always be worried about your mom now. Before she had cancer, you probably didn't think much about her death, except in the abstract. Now it is thrown in your face. She is doing so well and you all are doing the steps of grief. I always thought I was above that. I wouldn't follow some sort of 'schedule' of grieving. Wrong. Some days you will worry more. Some days you will worry less. Most days you will see the mom she always was and is. Regardless, the sun will rise tomorrow. God Bless.

8:37 AM, January 15, 2005  

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(written September of 2005) I have learned much in the last nine months. I have read that ovarian cancer whispers. I say it screams. It just needs someone to listen. The American Cancer Society statistics for ovarian cancer estimate that there will be 22,220 new cases and 16,210 deaths in 2005. This is a death rate FOUR TIMES that of breast cancer.Almost 70 percent of women with the common epithelial ovarian cancer are not diagnosed until the disease is advanced in stage. The 5-year survival rate for these women is only 15 to 20 percent. This is unacceptable. Women need to be made more aware of the symptoms, and doctors need to listen to their patients. Especially when the patient tells them that they fear they have ovca, as my mother did for almost a year before she was finally diagnosed. It’s so sad and senseless when a woman knows the symptoms but can’t get anyone to listen to what she is saying.