Tuesday, January 18, 2005

an apple a day....

I have developed an aversion to apples. Not eating them but seeing them.

I guess I should explain.

When mom’s doctor told me about the mass growing inside her she struggled to find something to compare it to. She said, “it’s the size of…… it’s like…. It’s like an apple!”

Apples are pretty. They’re sweet. My kitchen is even decorated with apples. I have apple plates, apple rugs, apple plaques…

But every time I see an apple now I think of that doctor, the comparison she made, and this awful thing that has changed our lives, and threatened to take my mother.

As I sat in the waiting room that day, sobbing, waiting for my family to arrive, I was in a chair next to a Christmas tree. The tree was covered with red, shiny, apple ornaments. I remember thinking then how ironic that was.

Now it seems that everywhere I go there is some reminder. Have you ever noticed how many places you see apples? Not just the produce section at the store. EVERYWHERE. They’re everywhere.

Maybe it’s all starting to get to me. How can feeling anger toward an apple be normal?

I’m definitely re-decorating my kitchen. It’s time…


Blogger 3cinr3b said...

i don't know what to say, but my mum is also an ovarian cancer survivor. n to think that it was the final stage, it was 12 years ago, n it was also in Malaysia. n she's cancer-free today after all the chemo n 2 major surgeries to remove the tumour more than a decade ago. i was really young then n can't remember the size of it, but i definitely remember being told she may not survive. so definitely, after all these years, with techonology so advanced plus u all living in US, ur mum will get well. i'm sure. n she's lucky to have such a supportive daughter =)

7:29 AM, January 19, 2005  

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(written September of 2005) I have learned much in the last nine months. I have read that ovarian cancer whispers. I say it screams. It just needs someone to listen. The American Cancer Society statistics for ovarian cancer estimate that there will be 22,220 new cases and 16,210 deaths in 2005. This is a death rate FOUR TIMES that of breast cancer.Almost 70 percent of women with the common epithelial ovarian cancer are not diagnosed until the disease is advanced in stage. The 5-year survival rate for these women is only 15 to 20 percent. This is unacceptable. Women need to be made more aware of the symptoms, and doctors need to listen to their patients. Especially when the patient tells them that they fear they have ovca, as my mother did for almost a year before she was finally diagnosed. It’s so sad and senseless when a woman knows the symptoms but can’t get anyone to listen to what she is saying.