Tuesday, April 26, 2005

the roses...

Spring has always been my favorite time of year. Everything is fresh and new. The bulbs that have been sleeping in the ground all winter burst forth with a rainbow of color. My beloved rose garden wakes up. The tender dark green leaves giving proof of life.

I hadn't ventured to the rose garden yet this year. I finally did that today. There I saw the rose bush that my mother planted thirty-five years ago. After a cold, harsh winter, it is thriving. Literally thousands of new leaves and many new shoots. Soon it will be covered in beautiful, fragrant red blooms.

I stood in the garden and cried. Not tears of sadness, but of joy.

My mother is still with me and plans to be for many more years. Her rose bush is proof that after she leaves this earth, whenever that may be, she will live on. Not only in the roses- she is in my heart, my soul, my very being...

Thursday, April 21, 2005


On Tuesday mom's doc stuck his head in her room and said "you want to go home?!"

Believe me- mom was ready.

It's so wonderful having her home again. She's getting stronger day by day. She's soooo thin, but her colorful is wonderful, her eyes sparkle, and she's feeling so much better.

The doc's believe that this problem is the reason she hasn't been getting better since the beginning. Hopefully now she'll be on the road to recovery. She has an appt next week to see when she can start her chemo again.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and prayers. They mean more to me than you'll ever know....

Monday, April 18, 2005


Mom's recovery has been amazing. She is even starting to sound like herself again.

Today her doctor said she could go outside in a wheelchair if she would like. It was a beautiful day. Doc ok'd disconnecting her IV lines so we didn't have to take the pump with us, and said stay out as long as she would like.

The sun was shining, the birds were singing...

There were some bright yellow daffodils around the walkway...

We walked around a large garden that is on the hospital grounds. It's actually like a small park. There are benches and some interesting sculptures.

There weren't many flowers besides the daffodils and a few azaleas, but that didn't matter. The smile on my mother's face was more beautiful than anything I've seen in a long time..

Friday, April 15, 2005

much better...

Mom made it through the surgery without any complications. She woke up a few hours after and was talking to us and everything was great.

The next day we thought we were losing her... She had two IV lines, a tube in her nose into her stomach and blood infusing.

The next day she was a little better. The day after that was like she turned a corner and was doing great. It was an amazing transformation.

Sis and I spent many nights sleeping in the chair in her room so dad could go home and get some sleep.

She's starting to eat liquids now and they're staying down. The doctors say she may be going home next week...

She's bound and determined to beat this thing....

Monday, April 11, 2005

the specialist....

The doctors have known all along that, for some reason, mom's digestive system has shut down. They just couldn't agree on why and what to do about it.

The specialist who saw her tonight agreed with what the problem is. His opinion of why is, that not enough of the tumor was removed during her first surgery and it has grown again. It has compressed her internal organs, not allowing anything to move through.

I have suspected this all along because mom has been having the same symptoms she had when she was first diagnosed.

His recommendation is surgery to "re-route" things so to speak. He believes if he does a more radical surgery and tries to remove the tumor and repair the damage, mom won't survive. She is much too debilitated at this point.

I was afraid when he told mom this, she would say she'd had enough- but she said "Let's do it." She said she can't go on like she is. She believes if this doesn't help the problem, or if she doesn't make it through the surgery then it is her time to go.

The surgery will be tomorrow sometime.....

Sunday, April 10, 2005

I'm not sure how I will get through this. I am still taking one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time.

Mom's condition is steadily declining. We have called in a new specialist who will see her early tomorrow, and try to pinpoint what exactly the problem is.

So far she has seen several doctors. They have all had differing opinions. While they are all trying to get on the same page, mom is slowly fading away....

(written September of 2005) I have learned much in the last nine months. I have read that ovarian cancer whispers. I say it screams. It just needs someone to listen. The American Cancer Society statistics for ovarian cancer estimate that there will be 22,220 new cases and 16,210 deaths in 2005. This is a death rate FOUR TIMES that of breast cancer.Almost 70 percent of women with the common epithelial ovarian cancer are not diagnosed until the disease is advanced in stage. The 5-year survival rate for these women is only 15 to 20 percent. This is unacceptable. Women need to be made more aware of the symptoms, and doctors need to listen to their patients. Especially when the patient tells them that they fear they have ovca, as my mother did for almost a year before she was finally diagnosed. It’s so sad and senseless when a woman knows the symptoms but can’t get anyone to listen to what she is saying.