Sunday, September 11, 2005

letting go...

My mother is losing her battle...
She is peaceful and not in pain.

Each day she slips further and further away from us.

It is so difficult to watch her go, and even more difficult to see the pain in my father's eyes.

Monday, September 05, 2005

how do I answer?

Many people know that mom has been ill.
Often I am asked how she is..
Often I'm not sure how to answer.

Somehow saying it out loud makes it more real. Saying she isn't doing well, and hearing those words come out of my mouth, effects me in a way I can't describe.

I want to be honest with people- but at the same time do people really want to know?

Do I say "she's hanging in there?" and then change the subject? I'm never sure..
Sometimes I want to scream that she's still sick and it isn't fair!!
Other times I want to say, "everything's wonderful", in hopes that saying it will make it true..

(written September of 2005) I have learned much in the last nine months. I have read that ovarian cancer whispers. I say it screams. It just needs someone to listen. The American Cancer Society statistics for ovarian cancer estimate that there will be 22,220 new cases and 16,210 deaths in 2005. This is a death rate FOUR TIMES that of breast cancer.Almost 70 percent of women with the common epithelial ovarian cancer are not diagnosed until the disease is advanced in stage. The 5-year survival rate for these women is only 15 to 20 percent. This is unacceptable. Women need to be made more aware of the symptoms, and doctors need to listen to their patients. Especially when the patient tells them that they fear they have ovca, as my mother did for almost a year before she was finally diagnosed. It’s so sad and senseless when a woman knows the symptoms but can’t get anyone to listen to what she is saying.