Thursday, December 15, 2005

time...

It has been a little over two months since my mother passed away. Words cannot express how much I miss her.

I have had a birthday and Thanksgiving without her. I've had Tuesdays, and Fridays, and Mondays without her.... Christmas will be here soon and I'm not ready...

I think of mom so much every single day. I don't know how many times I've gone to pick up the phone and call her. That's what I always did before. If anything exciting, or interesting, or funny happened, I called mom.
When I needed someone to talk to- someone who would tell me everything would be alright- I called mom. She always knew what comforting words to say, and what advice to give.

They say that time will lessen the pain. I just don't see how...

7 Comments:

Anonymous KB said...

I really feel your pain. I have lost my mother, who was the same age as your mother, in Nov. 2004. It was completely unexpected. And in the last year I went through the same emotions as you, missing her every day, picking up the phone to call her, and never believing that time will lessen the great sorrow. Please take comfort in the fact that you were with her in the last days. You could email me at kakali@hotmail.com if you like.

6:13 PM, December 19, 2005  
Blogger Mama Mouse said...

My mother died in 1992 ... 13 years ago ... I still find myself, on occasion, thinking that I haven't talked to my mother in a long time and I had better go call her. Then the heartbreaking reality hits me like the proverbial ton of bricks and I realize I can't.

I miss her every day ... every holiday ... every second. My father died 43 years ago ... I miss him the same as I did the day after he died.

But when the pain hits the length of time it takes till I can move on has steadily increased over the years. It stops me suddenly ... but I am able to move past it sooner than the last time each time it happens.

Its not so much that the pain lessens as it is that it becomes ingrained in you ... a part of you. You learn how to move on with life ... it isn't easy ... but it does happen. You will never forget. You will never get used to it. You will always have the pain. But you will also learn that to be alive means that you have to cope with death ... and as you get older, inevitably more and more loved ones will also die ... till it is finally your turn.

Always remember that your mother is THERE ... surrounding you with her love. Love doesn't die ... it just becomes less visible. If you reach out with your heart in quiet moments you will feel her love. You are a part of her ... and she is a part of you ... you will always be together.

Love and peace,
Mama Mouse

5:44 AM, December 28, 2005  
Blogger margalit said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I'm a mom who is very ill with young kids and I do not want them to suffer then way you are. It's so hard, I know.

Michele sent me.

11:09 AM, December 31, 2005  
Anonymous honestyrain said...

you poor thing. i am so very very sorry for your loss. my mom died 13 years ago when i was 24. i still miss her. every day. but the pain does ease off over time. it won't be easy. i won't pretend that it will. but you will be okay and you will be able to remember her without feeling agony in your heart.

here via michele.

11:14 AM, December 31, 2005  
Blogger Prego said...

My mom died in 2000. My brother put it best. "If there was a happiness scale that went 1-10, we can never reach higher than an eight."

You never stop missing them or thinking of them every day, but pain eventually subsides a bit. After five years, I can kind of talk about some things without breaking down in tears.

love,
p


here via michele tonight.

10:35 PM, January 01, 2006  
Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

IT IS MORE THAN SAD...IT IS CRIMINAL THAT YOUR MOM KNEW SHE HAD THIS HORRIFIC DISEASE AND THAT THE DOCTORS WERE SOOOO SLOW TO RESPOND....

I'M SO VERY VERY SORRY FOR YOUR TERRIBLE LOSS...IT IS SO FRESH RIGHT NOW....I KNOW IT FEELS UNBEARABLE...BUT AS SOME OTHERS HAVE SAID, IT WILL SUBSIDE..BUT, IT COULD TAKE A VERY LONG TIME...HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT WRITING DOWN ALL YOUR FEELINGS AND MEMORIES OF YOUR MOM...IT MIGHT BE A COMFORT TO YOU...OR MAYBE NOT...EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT AND EACH PERSONS GRIEVING IS DIFFERENT TOO...ONE THING I KNOW FOR SURE...BE VERY VERY GOOD TO YOURSELF...BE KIND AND GENTLE WITH YOURSELF AND KNOW THAT THIS TERRIBLE TERRIBLE PAIN WILL LESSON WITH TIME...MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU, DEAR DEE DEE...

I'M HERE FROM MICHELE'S TONIGHT...

AND I LOVE WHAT MAMA MOUSE SAID...WHAT SHE SAUD US SO VERY VERY TRUE...

11:06 PM, January 01, 2006  
Anonymous Spike said...

Oh, my friend, I feel your pain.

My mom was institutionalized with Alzheimers around the time I started my chemo.
Sometimes I was happy that she didn't have to watch her youngest child fight for her life, but often, I just missed her.
I still miss her.
Most every day.

I am so sorry about your mom.
Keep her in your heart and just keep trying to put one foot in front of the other. That's my unsolicited advice.

If you ever need to talk...

9:20 PM, January 02, 2006  

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(written September of 2005) I have learned much in the last nine months. I have read that ovarian cancer whispers. I say it screams. It just needs someone to listen. The American Cancer Society statistics for ovarian cancer estimate that there will be 22,220 new cases and 16,210 deaths in 2005. This is a death rate FOUR TIMES that of breast cancer.Almost 70 percent of women with the common epithelial ovarian cancer are not diagnosed until the disease is advanced in stage. The 5-year survival rate for these women is only 15 to 20 percent. This is unacceptable. Women need to be made more aware of the symptoms, and doctors need to listen to their patients. Especially when the patient tells them that they fear they have ovca, as my mother did for almost a year before she was finally diagnosed. It’s so sad and senseless when a woman knows the symptoms but can’t get anyone to listen to what she is saying.

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