happy birthday...

We recently celebrated mom's birthday.
The kids and grandkids were there.
We had cake and ice cream and presents...

It was really a bittersweet day. Mom was so happy to have everyone who loves her there celebrating her special day, but I'm sure I was not the only one thinking it may be her last birthday.

One of the grandkids bought her an adorable angel figurine. I had to leave the room to wipe away the tears when mom opened it. The angel is holding armfuls of apples...

Mom's condition has not really changed much. She has had so many platelet and blood transfusions that I have lost count. But her blood counts are slowly (very slowly) getting closer to normal, so we have that to be thankful for. She is becoming very depressed because she hasn't had the energy to do anything. We have been taking her videos of the grandkids' sports and school events, but it's not the same.

It's hard to believe that it's been almost nine months since mom was diagnosed.
It's hard to know what to pray for anymore. I've prayed for a miracle so many times. But I also know that we have been blessed with many miracles....

Happy Birthday Mom........

real men carry purses...

I haven't written anything about my dad in awhile...
He's still holding up pretty well. I think he's dealing with not being able to do anything about mom's illness by doing everything else for her that he can.

He still does all the laundry and cleaning around the house. He cooks- as long as she doesn't feel well enough to beat him to the kitchen..

When I went with them to mom's doctor appointment, I watched everything dad was doing for her. She took her sandals off to get on the scale. When she stepped off, dad was bent down at her feet putting her sandals back on her. Dad knew it would be difficult for mom to bend down and put them back on herself. She didn't even have to ask- he was just there.

I also noticed he was carrying her purse.
I'm not really sure what mom carries in that purse, but it's always been very heavy. Dad had everyone in the waiting room laughing. He said, "Jeez this purse is heavy! It's probably because she insists on putting her gun in here!"

When we were leaving the office I looked back and noticed the purse matched dad's shirt. I told him that handbag really looked good with his outfit.

He just grinned at me...

answers...

Mom had some serious complications after that last chemo treatment. She was in the hospital for several days, and left ready to fight some more.

I was able to talk with mom about her prognosis and her doctor's latest plan of action. I was able to see that she does understand what is happening, but was in denial. She told me about a young woman with ovarian cancer, who has been a patient of her doctor for over ten years, and receives "maintenance" treatments. The difference between mom and the other woman is that mom's cancer has not yet been in remission- the other woman's was caught in time to get her to remission.

Mom and I talked to her doctor together. They're going to spend the next several weeks trying to get mom's blood counts back in order and get her stronger. Then, if possible, they will do another surgery and try to remove the rest of the tumor that was left behind after the first surgery.

We were told in the beginning that only 5% of the mass was left because it had adhered to other organs. The problem with that is this is a fast growing cancer and by the time they started chemo it was already out of control. So much for "optimal debulking". The sad thing is that the entire tumor and part of the affected organ could have been removed in the beginning. But I guess that's why they say hind sight is 20-20...

Doc explained to mom that they may not be able to get her strong enough for this surgery. Then he explained that, if they do the surgery, afterward they will discuss other treatment options. He also told her she would have to decide if all of this is worth it to her because there may be nothing left that will work.

I feel that I have the answers to my questions now. Even though the answers were not what I wanted to hear. The most important thing is that mom understands, and she still has hope. I believe that, and all of the prayers that are being said for her are the greatest weapons of all...