rose garden.....

A few years ago, my children gave me a rose garden for Mother's Day. They gave me several bushes and did the labor of preparing the garden. My rose garden is my favorite place to be in my yard. Especially in the spring- It is so exciting to see the new green leaves on bushes that are waking up from a deep winter's sleep.

Almost all of my roses are hybrid teas. I have several different colors. I cut many roses and took them to mom last year. She never went very long without a bouquet of fresh flowers. Her favorite flower was yellow roses, because those were what she wore when she married my dad.

Because we have such harsh winters here, I am always careful when protecting my garden in the late fall. Even though I take great care, sometimes I lose a bush, and have to replace it in the spring. Sadly, this year, my yellow bush was the one I lost.

However, one bush continues to amaze me, year after year...

I am living in the house that I grew up in. Mom planted a climbing red rose in the backyard shortly after dad and grandpa built the house. It had been dormant for several years. When we moved in here I gave it lots of TLC and it started blooming again.

Now, 38 years later, it too is covered with tiny new green leaves.
Even without blooms it is beautiful.
I can't help but think of mom each time I look at it, and I can't help but smile......

how i am.....

Someone very kindly asked how I am.. The past seven months have been obviously difficult for me. Seven months sounds like such a long time, yet I can't believe that amount of time has passed so quickly.
I am still a master at denying my feelings and I keep waiting for that moment when I break down and really cry over the loss of my best friend. I think I learned the art of this while mom was sick.. (http://jsdaughter.blogspot.com/2005_03_01)
My life is moving on, and to outsiders it seems that all is well. I even received a big promotion at work. (The first thing I wanted to do was call mom..)
My personal relationships, however, have suffered. I've not found anyone I am close enough to that I can talk with about my feelings.....
I took some flowers to mom's grave on Easter Sunday and my husband came along with me. I asked him if he had seen her headstone yet and he said he hadn't been able to- not meaning he hadn't found the time - but hadn't been able to bring himself to go. (The cemetary is very close to where we live and we pass by it every day)
He held me, and he cried, and I couldn't shed a tear.........

not just a dash......

Several weeks ago, a headstone was placed at my mothers grave.
It's very pretty... Soft grey with angels engraved at each upper corner..
Of course her name is engraved, along with the date of her birth, and that of her death.

As I looked at this memorial I thought of something I once read. How interesting it is that a person's entire life is summed up by a dash between two numbers.

It represents the joy her parents felt when their firstborn child entered the world, and the sorrow my mother felt when she was just a young child and her parents died. Her happiness when she became a mother, a grandmother, and then a great-grandmother...

In just that small dash, are years of memories, happiness, sorrow, joy, tears.... Lives changed by her words, her touch....

The image in my mind when I see that tiny dash is much more than any photograph could ever show....